Helping People in Crisis

The Bible tells us, "Bear one another's burdens" (Galations 6:2). And yet it seems many people are unable to live that out in the flesh. When someone is in a state of crisis, many people want to help, or at least say they do, and yet they do nothing. Four years ago, our family lived in a state of crisis for 14 months. And the aftermath of that crisis was also a state of helplessness. A couple years ago, I watched my best friend live through a horrible crisis. In living through our crisis, and supporting my friend in hers, I learned a lot about what a person/family needs in those times. Now my dear friend is facing yet another unimaginable tragedy, and I felt it was time I wrote something about how to support people in difficult times.


First, the ball's in YOUR court. A person/family dealing with a crisis is unable to think about anything else!! When you say, "Call me if you need anything", they know you mean well, but the truth is that they can barely think about getting out of bed and doing what they need to do to get through each day. Don't ask them to think for YOU, too. Tragic events drain every last bit of energy. Please, don't ask them to spend energy they don't have to pick up the phone and dial your number.


And, don't misunderstand!!--they NEED YOU. They NEED your encouragement. They NEED your help. They just don't have the energy or emotional fortitude to call and ask for it. They NEED to know you're there. CALL THEM. And if they don't answer, leave a message. And if they don't call back, CALL AGAIN. Don't misunderstand and get your feelings hurt!!


You know yourself - your abilities to help - better than they do. Think of something you can do, and do it. Like to cook? Cook a meal and bring it over. Leave it on the doorstep if they're not there. (in disposable containers, because they don't have time or energy to wash extra dishes and don't have the brain power to think about getting your container back to you). Like to bake? Drop off some cookies with a note saying you're praying for them. Like to do yard work? Come over and do what you see needs to be done. Like to grocery shop? Go buy some fresh fruit, or pantry items and drop them off. DO. Don't ask. DO. People in a state of crisis will not be offended if you come and do their yard work. They are in crisis and need help. You're not going to make them feel like you think they're slobs!! You're going to let them know you care, and they'll appreciate it. SO much!!


Not good at anything but just want to show you care? PLEASE do. PLEASE let them know you haven't forgotten their pain. PLEASE send a card. Even if it's 10 years from now, send a card. Write a simple email. Let them know you're praying for them, still. Pick up the phone and call. Don't wait for them to do it. YOU do it. It takes months, years, to recover from a true crisis - and oftentimes one never really "recovers", so there's always time for you to show you care. If you can't do anything now, but 5 months from now you can, DO. They will still need the help. They will still need to know that others have not forgotten their pain.

I'd also like to address what NOT to say. Please do NOT say the following things:

• "It was God's will". Unless you are God Himself, please do not speak on His behalf.
• "There's a reason" or "It's for the best" or "We'll know why someday" or any other superstitious gobble-dee-gook like that.
• "Time heals all wounds".
• "It's been (x amount of time), aren't you past this yet?"
• "I know just how you feel".

That said, don't let me scare you into not calling or writing. Google for words of sympathy if you need to, but don't stay away because you "don't know what to say". You don't *have* to say anything. A hug, or loving hand on the arm is worth a thousand words. Just BE THERE - however you can be. They need to know you care.

"Never walk away from someone who deserves help; Your hand is God's hand for that person". Provers 3:27 (The Message)